The Financial Risk Often Overlooked in Marriage

“The person you marry is not the same person who divorces you or you divorce”, is a poignant quote featured in a recent article on The Nod Mag, which discusses the now-viral divorce memoir by Belle Burden.

The memoir, titled Strangers, recounts the story from the woman’s perspective in a wealthy and successful traditional marriage and what the author stood to lose after discovering her then-husband's affair and soon thereafter abandonment of their family.

During her marriage, Belle steps back from her work as a Harvard-educated lawyer to focus on family life while her husband continues to advance in his career. But when her marriage comes crashing down, she is left financially exposed far beyond the extent to which her soon-to-be ex-husband was.

Belle is quoted in The Nod Mag article saying, “Part of my story is a financial story—what I agreed before we got married, what I went through during my divorce to keep what was mine, and how I rebuilt my own financial autonomy after my divorce. It’s hard to be a cautionary tale, but I’m also happy to be a cautionary tale.”

The takeaway from Belle’s story is clear: surrendering your financial autonomy during marriage, especially as a woman, is risky. It’s easy to assume divorce will never happen, but if it does, staying financially aware and maintaining autonomy or equality with your partner is essential.

In Belle’s marriage, she put major assets she had purchased alone into the names of both her and her now-ex-husband, giving him a major financial stake in their divorce, which he did not reciprocate with his own purchases.

Marriage is a beautiful union, and it is important to understand that surrendering your financial autonomy is not a necessary prerequisite to marital bliss. Furthermore, prenuptial agreements, when executed in good faith, can help ensure a fair distribution of assets. But if you lose track of your shared and individual finances during the marriage, even with a prenup, you may find yourself fighting to maintain the financial stability you once had.

Imagining what your life would look like after a divorce is neither fun nor romantic, but it is important to consider, since we can never plan for what we do not view as a potential outcome. Just as health and long-term care insurance are better to have and not use, assessing where your finances stand together throughout your marriage to ensure things stay equal and fair is essential, since it is much harder to do after things potentially sour.

So, continue to cherish your partner, but always stay financially diligent and do not let things run on autopilot without occasionally checking in on where things stand. Should life take an unexpected twist, you will be glad you did.